They jet in for a PR event and are on their way out before anyone can even ask who they were wearing. But why don’t celebrities choose the District as a place to hang their hat?
Don’t get me wrong — I know we have our own breed of “celebrity.” As I tell visiting friends, this town is full of people who were student body president at some point, so there’s plenty of ambition and ego to go around. But I’m not talking about spotting a Member at the Social Safeway. I’m talking silver screen or Grammy nominated glitterati.
Why not our fair city? Why are there so many people who make it big that are from here, but don’t live here?
New York and LA get all the glitz, but I wouldn’t choose to live in LA for anything and you’d have to pay me major bucks to make living in NYC worth it. (Of course, celebs do make enough cash to live in comfort, but NYC still smells like sour milk and garbage in the summer, is blanketed in dirty snow in the winter and is full of people from the outer boroughs year round).
Then there’s Nashville and Miami with all their homegrown local celebs and recording artists. Not to mention Miami’s host of sports superstars that apparently enjoy the opportunity to work on their form outdoors all year. Even Austin, Texas has Sandra and Matthew.
I’m not saying I feel slighted that my town isn’t on the list of hot places to live. What I’m saying is I think the celebs are missing out on a good thing, and, of course, I think the Hill would be the perfect place to settle in if they’d give it a chance. We could certainly use a little glam so that when they say “Capitol Hill” in the news - it isn’t automatically synonymous with partisanship and Brooks Brothers.
So, here are the top reasons why I think Capitol Hill is the perfect place for a celebrity to call home:
1. It’ll make you smarter. This is one of the most educated places in the country, and everybody has an opinion about everything, even the kids.
2. It’s easy to take off for that swanky vacation. Not only is it shorter from the East Coast to almost everywhere, but with DCA so close, you can jump on 295 and be at your private hangar in minutes. Can’t say that for LAX or JFK.
3. It’s also easy to enjoy life here. We get the best of all the seasons and we’re close to both the mountains and the ocean. The Hill is dotted with lively parks, quaint streets meant for strolling, comfortable restaurants and laid back residents.
4. We know how to keep secrets. Secret holds, Deep Throat, even the last bit of the Kennedy assassination files won’t be available until 2017. Unless you decide to run for office, your secret is safe with us.
5. No paparazzi. Unless you do something to attract attention, like shack up, break up or adopt a baby from overseas, there won’t be any paparazzi camped outside your door. It just isn’t worth it for them to hang around to only take pictures of you. They certainly aren’t going to branch out and start mobbing Members – do you want to see John Boehner or Nancy Pelosi on the cover of Star? Neither do I.
6. We’re used the hassle already; might as well be worth it. Capitol Police already close down intersections, giant black SUV’s driven by staffers waiting on their bosses already block our streets. Congresspeople go to the gym unmolested and otherwise live a rather normal life without annoying interruption.
Come check us out. I think you’ll like it.