02 Mar 2010

Going, Going, Ouch, Gone!

Originally uploaded to flickr by Daveynin

There are many school silent auctions in communities across America each spring, but there is only one place in the nation where you have an opportunity to compete for a vasectomy, a tour of a VAQ-209, a Navy Reserve EA6B Prowler squadron, or a map of the United States hand-drawn by Minnesota Senator Al Franken.

The vasectomy usually goes for about $800, and is happily performed, of course, by a doctor–who happens to be a Hill parent. Follow that up with the launch at Andrews Air Force base, and one of the  wine-soaked dinners available for bids, and recovery will  be swift and certain.

Hill elementary school PTAs host silent auctions to raise money to fund much-needed programs, classroom resources, aides and improved grounds. They are important fundraising events, especially at this time of budget reductions that cut to the bone of local education programs.

Parents and community members labor for months to solicit donations that will prove irresistible for bidders. Salon pampering, dinner for six at local restaurants, class art projects and overnight stays at hip hotels go fast. Weekend stays at vacation homes on beaches, mountain cabins, ski chalets and even penthouses are  typically on the block, and highly sought after.

But it is the unusual items that make the Hill’s auctions unlike any others, and many items come through parents’ contacts or the parents themselves.

“To advertise the vasectomy at the Brent auction, we merely put on an 8 x 10 piece of paper the estimated cost of a college education in 15 years – it was funny (although scary too),” noted Denise Diggs, who chairs the auction committee at Brent Elementary.

Typical recovery is 3-5 days, with a return to work in 1-2 days unless heavy lifting is expected, said the dapper, donating doc, urologist Eric Emanuel, a Brent parent who will be bidding on other items at the Brent event April 17th at St. Mark’s Episcopal Church.

St. Peter’s Interparish School held its La Feria de Sevilla auction event this past weekend, and offered the tour of the Navy Prowler. A behind the scenes tour of an “America’s Most Wanted” shoot was part of a deluxe crime package, said parent Cindy Johnson, who helped organize the auction.

Senator Franken’s map  of America will be up for bid the weekend after next at Tyler Elementary’s auction, an Alchemy of Great Taste, March 13, at Eastern Market’s North Hall. He apparently has a talent for these renditions. One wonders if he draws Capitol Hill to scale?

What’s the opposite of being sent to the principal’s office? Having a pool party for 20 at the principal’s house. Maury Elementary’s event, Maury at the Market, March 20th also at the North Hall, will offer access to Principal Carolyne Albert-Garvey backyard pool.  I am a Maury parent and for the sake of disclosure, have been working to  procure donations off the Hill. I haven’t nailed down a Botox party yet but we do have a boudoir (or not) photo shoot by a prize winning White House News Photographers Association photographer.

In addition, Maury will again offer a sunset schooner ride for 35 from the National Maritime Heritage Foundation, and dinner for six with wine pairings at the home of Staci Walkes and Rick Gendersen, owners of Schneider’s of Capitol Hill and Maury parents.

Over at Peabody’s School Within a School,  event co-chair Julie Moeller loves the “Poste Roast” for six from Poste Brasserie and a seasonal membership to waiting-list, members-only Cheverly Swim & Racquet Club. The 13th Annual SWS Jazz Gala and Auction, complete with the music of Paul Carr, will be held at St. Mark’s Episcopal Church on April 24th.

Two Rivers Public Charter School usually only auctions art, according to Heather Dixon, but has offered tattoos and sushi-making classes. The Two Rivers gala is also April 24th, beginning first with cocktails on the roof of the middle school.

Capitol Hill Day School usually has some gangbuster items, including weeks in far-flung vacation homes,  as well.  Another North Hall extravaganza, the Day School’s Havana Nights event  will be held April 30th.

But before you swoon for the W Hotel certificate, bid for dinner and strong drinks at Johnny’s Half-Shell, pair up with other couples to sup at Charlie Palmer’s, or toss 10 of your favorite kids into Belga’s cooking classes (but preferably not while they are wearing the Dawn Price Baby outfits you won) – remember the kids’ contributions are usually the centerpiece of most events.

“The best parts of the auctions are the class baskets (they have themes like “Playdate Fun”and “Staycation” which features elements to have fun at home) and… of course we auction off children’s art,” Brent’s Diggs reminded prospective bidders.

“I think what is most particularly cool is the community support and involvement in Capitol Hill schools,” Diggs said, and she encourages sharing auction know-how with other schools, as Brent has done, to benefit as many Hill children as possible.

That’s the spirit. Speaking of, I can’t quite track down the tarot card reading auctioned off by one parent last year. Therefore, I cannot predict the winners of these and other delightful and deluxe items. Enough cheesiness. Go bid and support the kids. Ticket prices range from $20 to about $75.

What will you be bidding on this spring?

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10 responses to “Going, Going, Ouch, Gone!”

  1. 10th St says:

    Anything for Ludlow Taylor? Seems like all the Hill elementaries are covered except that one…

  2. Elizabeth Festa says:

    No, for this blog post I was doing more of a piece on interesting items through word of mouth and did not contact a parent at Ludlow Taylor but welcome Payne, Miner, Watkins, Stuart Hobson and various charter school and middle school input, as well.

  3. Katie McGraw says:

    Actually, the link for the Tyler Elementary event is http://www.tylerelementary.net/greattaste

  4. Katie McGraw says:

    Sorry, I see that link. It’s the school link that’s not right – http://www.tylerelementary.net is the right one.

  5. @10th Street (and others), please feel free to use the comments section on this post to share details of any of the schools’ auctions that weren’t listed in the original post!

  6. Elizabeth Festa says:

    The Alchemy link is correct. The other one is corrected to net, not .org Thanks.

  7. Heather Schoell says:

    Thanks for writing this, Liz. These auctions are a lot of work – a part-time job for months leading up to the event. It is incredible how much increased parental involvement schools have seen in the past few years, and all area kids in public schools are benefitting greatly.

  8. Tim Krepp says:

    I’m pretty sure a ride in a EA-6B Prowler will probably take care of that vasectomy issue for you.

  9. Kyra says:

    Can I bid on the vasectomy without my husband’s consent?

  10. Elisabeth Urfer says:

    Another upcoming school auction is the Washington Yu Ying Dragon Festival Gala and Auction. It will be held at the Meridian International Center on June 6.

    Washington Yu Ying, a Chinese Immersion School, is not located on the hill, but it is a school attended by many hill kids.

    For more information send an email to: yuyinggala@washingtonyuying.org

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